Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
