let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
