You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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