The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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