so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
