So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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