Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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