Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
