maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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