Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
