I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
