That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
