please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
