Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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