Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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