So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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