Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
