its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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