sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
