he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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