I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
