walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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