Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
