People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
