I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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