Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
