haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
