i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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