i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
