I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
