He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
