I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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