btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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