what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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