Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
