i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
