I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
