There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
