his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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