I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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