Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
