DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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