I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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