Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
pop tarts are not kleenex
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize