No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
