This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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