So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
