Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
