Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
