Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
