Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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