farters have to be the big spoon...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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