I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
