Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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