So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So much rum. So many feels.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
