He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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