Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
