I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
