dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
