i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
