She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize