It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
