Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
